Lifecycles at Hinenu

אַל תִּקְרֵי ״בָּנָיִךְ״ אֶלָּא ״בּוֹנָיִךְ״
Do not read your children [banayikh], but your builders [bonayikh].
Brachot 64a:14

It is a joyful occasion to welcome a child into your family, when they are born, adopted, or dwelling in your family as a foster child for a shorter period of time. Rabbi Ariana is available to plan ceremonies that include naming, bris, brit shalom (baby welcoming without a circumcision), mikvah for conversion, and more. Community care for the expanded family is available to members (holding your new addition up to the window is optional but encouraged.)

I pronounced the first blessing, and from my own Humash (Five Books of Moses) read the selection which Father had chosen for me, continued with the reading of the English translation, and concluded with the closing brakhah (blessing). That was it. The scroll was returned to the ark with song and procession, and the service was resumed. No thunder sounded, no lightning struck. The institution of bat mitzvah had been born without incident, and the rest of the day was all rejoicing.

Judith Kaplan Eisenstein, z"l writing about her bat mitzvah, “A Recollection of the First U.S. Bat Mitzvah”

B’nei mitzvah are an incredible time for 13 year olds to celebrate arriving at new phase of life, preparing for adulthood and formally taking responsibility for their own Jewish selves. What’s with the terms? Bar mitzvah for boys, bat mitzvah for girls, and b’nei mitzvah for non-binary children and multiple children! Becoming b’nei mitzvah at Hinenu is a familial celebration and a communal one, as the b’nei mitzvah is welcomed into community in their new role. Click here for the b’nei mitzvah handbook.

B’nei mitzvah at Hinenu looks like:

Timeline
Students begin preparing for their ceremonies in 5th grade at Beit Hinenu, drawing on learning from throughout their childhood.

Some families begin a child’s formal Jewish education when b’nei mitzvah is on the horizon. We are committed to supporting students and their families in creating a meaningful ceremony that honors focused learning for at least two years prior to the ceremony. We work individually with each student to shape a learning arc and ceremony that will be personally meaningful.

Preparation
Students will learn to lead the Torah service, blessings said before and after an aliyah is read, prepare an aliyah (section of Torah) to chant from the scroll, and study their Torah portion and prepare a d’var Torah (sermon). Students work 1-1 with a tutor to prepare the blessings and Torah reading, and study with Rabbi Ariana as they shape their d’var. Students are encouraged to bring their particular interests to their services, if they have time in their preparation, students are welcome to learn additional parts of the service, lead a Torah study discussion of their parsha before services, create poetry or art to be used in the service, and so on.

Every b’nei mitzvah is different, and we are committed to structuring a service and ceremony that is meaningful to the student, their family, and contextualizes the b’nei mitzvah in our Jewish community. There are many creative ways we can shift the service to meet access needs:

• Havdalah b’nei mitzvah on Saturday afternoon (the b’nei mitzvah can still read from Torah but with less pressure than Saturday morning)

• Skip chanting from Torah (particularly for non-speaking b’nei mitzvah)

• Learning Torah with audio recordings or shortening the length of an aliyah (for auditory learners, b’nei mitzvah with dyslexia)

• Art d’var Torah (or other modality) for b’nei mitzvah who do not think or communicate with written word, but can create artistic expressions to teach about their portion

The service
A b’nei mitzvah is most commonly on Saturday morning. Shabbat morning services follow their usual rhythm, though we incorporate more elements like readings by loved ones into the service if the family wishes. The Torah services is where the action happens: the b’nei mitzvah leads the Torah service and processional. Aliyot/Torah honors can be given to loved ones, and if the b’nei mitzvah’s family wants to chant from the Torah they are welcome to. The b’nei mitzvah’s parent/s have the penultimate aliyah, and the b’nei mitzvah is called up to Torah for the first time with great pomp. They say the blessing before reading Torah, chant their portion, and bless after. The b’nei mitzvah delivers a d’var Torah, and then the b’nei mitzvah’s parents, tutor, and Rabbi Ariana offer blessings to the b’nei mitzvah. Then the congregation celebrates, (gently) throwing (soft) candy at the b’nei mitzvah!

The details
Because b’nei mitzvah is a communal celebration, families must be members of the congregation to celebrate their child’s b’nei mitzvah with Hinenu. Services are followed by a communal meal. We encourage families to sponsor a modest meal and invite the congregation to it. If the family wishes to have a private celebration at Homewood Friends following the service, be in touch with us as you plan the celebrations.

לכל זְמָ֑ן וְעֵ֥ת לְכל־חֵ֖פֶץ תַּ֥חַת הַשָּׁמָֽיִם׃
A season is set for everything, a time for every experience under heaven
Kohelet 3:1

Our community cares for one another in times of dying and mourning, and our tradition holds us in ritual to mark these world-changing moments. Rabbi Ariana is available to officiate funerals for members and their immediate family. Not a member of Hinenu, but looking for Rabbi Ariana to officiate a funeral? Be in touch with her to discuss.

Support during the time of dying includes:

• Spiritual advanced directive planning (in advance)
• Pastoral care for the dying and their family
• Vidui, deathbed rituals

Support for mourners includes:

• Pastoral care for mourners
• Funeral planning and officiation
• Community chesed in meals and visits
• Shiva services in the home
•Morning minyan for kaddish

Resources
The only Jewish funeral home in Baltimore is Sol Levinson Funeral Home.

Serenity Ridge is a brand new green cemetery with a soon to open Jewish section. Non-Jewish immediate family are welcomed to be buried in this section as well.

Kavod v’Nichum is an incredible resource that teaches about Jewish death and dying

Yahrzheit/Meldado/Nachala
The annual observance of the anniversary of a loved one’s death is called a yahrtzheit in Yiddish, meldado in Ladino, and nachala in Hebrew. It is observed by reciting the Mourner’s Kaddish on that day (and/or the Shabbat before) and lighting a memorial candle. All are welcome to attend Hinenu’s morning minyan (8am weekday, 9am Sunday) and Shabbat services to recite the Mourner’s Kaddish.

Many will visit the graves of loved ones on their yahrtzheit, or study or make a contribution to tzedakah. You are welcome to make a contribution in honor of a loved one to Hinenu. The first meldado is often particularly potent, and we encourage you to lean on community as you near this milestone.

Members are welcome to share the nachalot they remember, and Hinenu will send letters preceding the yahrtzheit with a reminder of the upcoming date and opportunities to honor their memory in community. We will read your loved ones' names before the Mourner's Kaddish prayer the Shabbat prior to your loved ones' yahrtzheit.

You are welcome to add names for anyone you remember--family, chosen family, friends, Jewish people, non-Jews.

M'kor hab'racha l'imoteinu [the source of blessing for our mothers]
May the source of strength,
Who blessed the ones before us,
Help us find the courage to make our lives a blessing,
and let us say, Amen.
Debbie Friedman z”l

Though some have the instinct to isolate and turn inward when sick and healing, we encourage you to reach to our Jewish tradition and community if it can bring comfort. Consider sharing names of yourself or loved ones in need of prayers for healing, requesting chesed/community care when it can bring support in the form of meals or hospital visits, meeting with Rabbi Ariana during hospitalization or times of sickness or to design rituals as benchmarks along the journey.

We understand that some of us negotiate lifelong illness and chronic pain, and encourage you to lean on our community during acute moments or whenever collective care would bring relief. We know that caregivers deserve care too–please allow your fellow members to support you as you support your loved ones.

לשם מצות תמים תהיה
l'shem mitzvat tamim tihyeh
for the sake of the mitzvah of being whole

Intention-setting upon undertaking a step toward gender transition, written by Lexi Kohanksi from Tefilat Trans

Hinenu explodes in joy whenever we get to ritually mark someone’s gender journey! We are ready to mark this time and celebrate with you: receive an aliyah/be called to the Torah to celebrate choosing a new English name, Hebrew name, using new pronouns, preparing or recovering from surgery, or other stages on your journey. Request chesed following gender affirming surgery recovery. Contact Rabbi Ariana for pastoral care, or to design a ritual.

ברוכה את יה, מְשַׂמֵּחַ צִיּוֹן בְּבָנֶיהָ.
We praise you, O Lord, who created the commitment of marriage as a foretaste of redemption.
Sheva Brachot

We love love! Hinenu is ready to celebrate your partnership in so many ways, many of which involve hooting and hollering. Members are welcome to have Rabbi Ariana officiate their weddings, and it is recommended to contact her before you finalize the date to confirm her availability and ensure the date is auspicious/not on a prohibited day or season! Most couples begin working with Rabbi Ariana 9-12 months before their wedding, but don’t let that stop you from reaching out. Listen to Rabbi Ariana describing the stages of a Jewish wedding or explore this chart breaking down the stages of a Jewish ceremony.

Hinenu celebrates all our multi-faith couples, and Rabbi Ariana is happy to perform multi-faith weddings. She cannot co-officiate with clergy of other faiths, but is ready to explore how to incorporate clergy of other faith communities into the Jewish wedding, or offer a Jewish blessing in a wedding officiated by clergy of another faith.

Rabbi Ariana will officiate queer weddings, straight weddings, monogamous or poly weddings. She has officiated ceremonies with 4 guests and celebrations with hundreds, at sculpture gardens, wineries, event halls, and all over Baltimore.

Not a member of Hinenu, but looking for Rabbi Ariana to officiate your wedding? Be in touch with her to discuss.

Celebrations at Hinenu can include an auf ruf aliyah, where the couple is called to the Torah before their wedding (often a month or less before) so the community can bless them up and celebrate. Couples will invite friends and family, and have a chance to celebrate with the congregation that is likely not all invited to the wedding. They may sponsor or partially sponsor the oneg meal after services.

Couples may have the congregation host one or more sheva brachot meals following the wedding, the week of nightly celebrations after the wedding. To coordinate sheva brachot at Hinenu, contact the Chesed team!

With questions and to begin the process of planning your ceremony, contact Rabbi Ariana.

כִּ֠י אֶל־אֲשֶׁ֨ר תֵּלְכִ֜י אֵלֵ֗ךְ וּבַאֲשֶׁ֤ר תָּלִ֙ינִי֙ אָלִ֔ין עַמֵּ֣ךְ עַמִּ֔י וֵאלֹהַ֖יִךְ אֱלֹהָֽי׃
...For wherever you go, I will go; wherever you lodge, I will lodge;
your people shall be my people, and your God my God.
Ruth 1:16

Conversion at Hinenu is a serious and sweet process. If you are already looking for communities where you can pursue conversion and are reading this, you likely have been thinking about this for a long time. Mazal tov on arriving at this next stage of your journey! There have been many moments that have led you to this season - perhaps people you’ve met, divrei Torah (sermons) you’ve heard, an internal pull, and so many more.

The path to conversion, while deeply personal, follows a set structure. The three core elements:

a) formal learning in Judaism 101 course (offered at Hinenu beginning the fall of even numbered Gregorian years–2024, 2026…)

b) participation in Jewish communal life and personal practice; and

c) mentorship conversion

Explore our conversion guide to learn about conversion to Judaism at Hinenu. This guide details the process, and hopefully will answer some of your initial questions. After reading through this guide, please schedule an initial conversation with Rabbi Ariana. You can do so by connecting with her by email with other questions.

Check out this document of books, movies, podcasts to explore! Here’s a spreadsheet of social media accounts created by Jess Schriebstein

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.
Viktor Frankl

Rabbi Ariana is available for pastoral support for members ending intimate relationships, designing personal ritual, and convening a beit din to sign a get (Jewish writ of divorce.)

Marking a moment in your life that would be supported by ritual? Rabbi Ariana and our extended communit is ready to support you in this moment, even if you don’t see it listed above, or even if it has never been done before! Explore RitualWell.org for ideas, and be in touch with Rabbi Ariana to start shaping ritual!